For the third straight year, Denver-Boulder, according to Forbes magazine, is the best place for singles. Seriously.

I know, I know, I thought it was a joke, too. But, no, apparently based on general coolness, culture, affordability, nightlife, singles life, online dating, and jobs outlook, Denver takes the pre-wedding cake. As Forbes reports:

"Denver residents are energetic, educated and incredibly active--professionally, recreationally, philanthropically and socially--all of which make Denver attractive to single individuals looking to meet people, get involved or just have fun,"says John Hickenlooper, Denver's mayor.

Add to that a raft of sports teams, cultural haunts and a sizable college crowd, and it's no surprise that the Colorado metro finishes first. (Forbes Magazine 7/25/06)
 
http://www.forbes.com/singles/2006/07/24/singles-best-cities-cx_lr_06singles_0725intro.html

As a native and current resident of Denver I must, for a brief moment, disent. I wholly agree that Denver has plenty of jobs. And I suppose that Denver really is your place if your idea of nightlife is Starbucks, "culture," for you, is synonomous with "Broncos," and your ideal date is jointly shovelling our your neighbor's driveway, lovingly. If you think tofu, salad, and hot dogs is "fine dining," this may be your true home. And affordable? Please. Let me laugh that one off for a moment.

Most zany is the idea that Denver is cool. So much so, in fact, that Forbes rated Denver fourth out of some 30-odd cities. Fourth! Let me say, that after having visited such notorious dweeb vorteses like Houston, Albany, Cleveland, Orlando, Worcester (Mass.), Sacramento, and more, Denver is absolutely the most gauche of them all. We wear our severe lack of hip with a certain pride. For us, "dressing up" is wearing khakis with a halfway untucked polo--and most importantly--without the baseball cap. The cool guy is the fellow who drives an SUV with the hupcaps that continue spinning even after the car is stopped. That's Denver-cool. Denver cool is the guy who gets on the jumbo-tron at Coors Field and instead of dancing wildly or giving a big smooch to the stranger seated next to him, he stoicly glares into the jumbo-tron, unfazed, as if to say, "Big Deal! I've done this, like, a million times. At Pepsi Center, its like Where's Waldo. Except it's "Where's Jim." They actually are looking for me in the crowd there. I guess I'm just, well, you know, smokin' hot. Yeah. Smokin' Hot." That's Denver cool. Finally, you know a cool gal in the Mile High City when she orders a vente moccacino latte with whipped-cream, hazelnut powder, and a sprinkling of cinnamon laced with low-fat Sweet'n'Lo. But not too much cream. It makes her bloated. And...to go, please. Her Dodge Caravan is parked in the tow-away zone. She's babalicious, no doubt about it.

Okay, okay. There's some nightlife. Like on a Friday night in one section of downtown. And the jobs really are good. But Denver is not what the Forbes editors think. Here's why: Denver is uniquely situated, geographically and culturally, right in between the Midwest and the Mountain West. Denver is actually extremely flat and on the plains, but is buttressed by the Rockies. In our ambitions and aspirations, we are mostly western. We are rugged, self-reliant, and outdoorsy. But in our attitudes and lifestyle, we like to think of ourselves as westerners, but we are really much more midwestern: folksy, sensible, down-to-earth, moderately conservative, and proud. If you haven't heard, the vast majority of Denverites live in the vast suburbs, don't ski to work, don't ride their trusty steeds to the neighborhood saloon called "Steely Willy's," and are, contrary to western independence, fairly well-churched and family-centered.

Most of the city shuts down around nine or ten at night, most nights. Colorado has the seventh highest birthrate in the nation which makes family attractions much more germane than, say, bars and discos. You may have hear of our admirable lack of pretense. If you are wearing Armani in Denver I think the rule is that store owners mandate that you strip into North Face gear with flip-flops. Although we pretend to hate it, we actually love the idea of being a dusty old cowtown inaccesible to newcomers. But being principally friendly, you know, we would never say so. I suppose Denver would be your kind of town if you mainly like to work, go to church, watch football, mow your lawn, and golf/ski/bike/jog. While it is a bit dull here, it is not boring. There is plenty to do--for families and work-a-holics. This is probably one of the best places to have a family and a business. But for singles? Please. Stay home. That is, unless, of course, you happen to have spinning hupcaps and don't own a suit. And of course, you must own an SUV. Or, at least you must aspire to owning one as though if you lived your life without one, your life would be an utter, abject failure. If that's the case: welcome home, baby! Welcome home. Wanna help me shovel?